Profile PictureNakia Evans, Coach | Leader | Speaker

Give Yourself the Gift of Saying "No" More Often

Do you feel like you've lost control of your life? Are you spending too much time on activities and responsibilities you don't enjoy? There's a good chance that saying "no" more often would bring some relief. Most of us feel uncomfortable saying "no". But no other word can provide more freedom.

Use the word "no" more often:

1. You'll have more free time. Are you lacking the free time necessary to pursue your hobbies and interests? Is it possible that you'd have more free time if you had declined a few requests? You're more able to help others if you also give yourself priority. There's nothing left to give if you don't allow yourself to unwind.

* Decide how much free time you need each week and stick to that schedule.

2. Saying "no" gives you more control over your life. When you say "yes" too much, you're allowing others to dictate your schedule for you.

* Happiness is elusive when you don't believe you have control over your life. Do what you can to help others, but never give up control over your life.

3. You have a better chance of achieving your goals. When you say "yes," you're helping others reach their goals. Give yourself the same consideration. Your goals are important, too. Ensure you have enough time to address your own dreams.

* You can't achieve a big goal without giving it consistent attention. How much time do you require to work toward your goals?

4. You're able to set boundaries. Relationships with friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, and romantic partners all require boundaries. Otherwise, your neighbors would be borrowing your car every day, and your lover might be spending the weekend with someone else! Avoid being afraid to say "no" when the situation calls for it.

* There are certain limits on each person in your life. You can choose and enforce those limits with one simple word.

5. Saying "no" keeps your values intact. Sometimes we're asked to do things that sacrifice our values. Your friend might ask you to lie to his wife so he can meet his mistress. Your boss might ask you to fudge the numbers in order to make him look better.

* When you're asked to do something that conflicts with your values, you can protect your integrity by saying, "no".

6. Other people won't be able to take advantage of you. If you haven't been taken advantage of, you haven't been paying attention. Whether it's loaning $5 for gas or watching your neighbor's pet for the weekend, we've all be hung out to dry at least a few times. You can refuse to take part in any activities that might lead to a loss.

* You don't have to let others take advantage of your kindness. It's not admirable. It's self-destructive. Have respect for yourself and expect respect from others, too.

7. You realize that people aren't as sensitive to rejection as you think. People that struggle to say the word "no" believe that the other person will be upset or hold it against them. You'll likely find that the other person will understand your refusal. The next time will be even easier. We can't say "no" to every request. After all, we'd like other people to do things for us occasionally. But saying "yes" to everything creates stress and eliminates our free time. This isn't acceptable.

Value your time and energy. You'll have more to give if you take care of yourself.


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